They always told me some day I would grow up; that some day I would reach a state of mind that everything made sense. They told me I realize why things are done the way they are, why people act the way they do, and that all-in-all, everything happens for a reason--that there is in fact a greater plan for everything.

As of right now, I haven't reached the mindset yet. But from where I'm looking, I can tell I'm close. All of the things I want now... I'm realizing more and more that they're possible.

But for them to be possible, I have to overcome fear and doubt or I'll always be stuck where I am, moving but not going anywhere.

Which brings me to Thomas and this crazy notion I have to be with him. I think I can do it, but there's always that doubt, that terror that it won't work and we'll never speak again. Like with the rest.

I'd die if that happened.

And that is why I'm scared.

I need help.