"When you feel like giving up,
think of all the reasons why
you held on for so long."


It's a Friday night and I'm at home, watching movies... Definitely a change of pace from last Friday. Oh, last Friday, well isn't that a story?

Before I get to the juice of this smoothie, I want you to realize that I haven't always been this... free with myself. High school changes a person, and I mean that, too. Especially bording high school's. You're separated from your family, so you don't really have that much supervision. There isn't anyone literally keeping an eye on you after 11 o' clock, and you can always manage to find alcohol.

If you aren't in high school yet: 1.) My posts are probably not suitable for your young mind. & 2.) Expect it to change your life completely, in more ways then one. You'll lose friends, you're gain friends, & you'll get closer to the ones you already have. Just keep on high alert for, well, pregnancy, you know? ;)

Back to the story...

I had a small, um, get-together. My best friends, Bailey and Serena, ditched whatever else they had to do (nothing - cough) to come over and spend the night at my place. But as always, we aren't the typical girls with the typical sleepovers. There were boys, Anthony, Spencer, and Connor, there was alcohol, and best of all there was sex.

But, the awful thing is - I don't think I've ever managed a sleepover without the words "orgy" and "finger" coming up more than, oh, let's say one hundred times? The first thing you're going to have to understand is that I'm not a whore, nor do I ever wish to be one. Like I said, high school changes a person, and until my freshman year (cough - four years ago) I hadn't even had my first kiss. But within a time span of about two months I had kissed/made out with seven guys and lost my virginity (in more ways that one...).

So, boys snuck in, Aboslut Vodka snuck out, and the six of us divided into three separate, err, pairs? Bailey + Connor; Serena + Anthony; & Me + Spencer.

Before that night, Spencer and I weren't friends. We didn't talk; I didn't even say 'hi' to him in the hallway. I'd hung out with him two times before, but once because I ran into him at the mall and another wonderful sleepover.

I'm not going to deny that fact that I had a fucking blast that night, but jealous raged somewhere within my horny teenaged body. And jealous picked at the simple fact that my best friend, Serena, was on top of my first "crush."

She was the reason he came. She was the reason why he wanted to walk out, leaving behind his friends. And she was the reason why he didn't get what he came for. I hate to say it, but I think I'm in love with him. I've known him half of my life, and he's everything I don't want - which is everything I look for in a guy.

Don't get me wrong, They'll never date and I know that for a fact. Anthony's a player; he hits and quits. A new girl each week, and I'm not exaggerating. It just drives me crazy that he wanted her. Sure she's pretty, but I'm not exactly Uma Thurman. Plus, I did already have him... I just wish I could be that one girl to change his mind; his ways.

Hahah, I make myself laugh. :)
Whatever.

<3 D

Labels: Anthony, Bailey, Connor, Serena, Spencer

"& Even though she regrets nothing,
her heart beats to change the past."

I needed a fresh start. And while this blog is for me to vent the things I'd never in a million years discuss with anyone buy my keyboard, it makes me feel awkward. So therefore, I'm starting over. Fresh and new. Starting from the beginning.

My age is not your concern. It'll only give you a biased view of my... adventures. I will tell you though, both drinking and driving are illegal for someone my age in the state of New York. My family is a bowl full of shit, for so many different reasons. But, I guess I have it better than some.

I'm (and finally realized, always will be) in love (?) with a boy I'll call Jack. Though we're barely even friends any more, I'll always deeply care about him (because that wasn't the gayest thing ever said).

After Jack, in the "love interest" department, is Thomas. Who now, I look back on as a borderline mistake, still makes an attempt to be my everything.

I have an amazing friend, anonymously named Ryan, who has always been there for me... even when he's behind bars or running away from God only knows what.

I also have an old friend who I've known for as long as I can remember. Anthony is his "name." He's the picture perfect bad boy you've always fantasized about and your mother's always worried about. Too bad he's cocky as fuck and horny as hell...

Along with Anthony, comes Spencer and Connor. One of which is dating my best friend (Connor) and the other my most recent... hit? (Spencer)

Now, although that was simply boring and obviously pointless - I promise it'll all be made up for in the near future. My life is a soap opera, and if you're bored late at night, biting your nails thinking of something to do, I have the perfect solution.

And it just happens to be my life.
So if you're in for the ride, I'm ready to go.

Just tell me when.

<3 D

Labels: Anthony, Connor, Jack, Ryan, Spencer, Thomas