"When you believe things you don't understand...
you suffer... very superstitious..."
I'm not superstitious, I am simply just... "stitious." I believe that there are those few people out there with the power to read your mind, or psychically connect to future. But I most positively do NOT believe in those silly, childish bulletins people post on Myspace. I'm talking about the ones that say "OMFG U R SO TOTALLY NOT GUNA BLEAVE WHT THIS DOES ITZZ LYKK FUCKIN CRAZY CHINESE HOROSCOPE OMG U HAVE 2 TRY IT!!!!!!!!!!!"
To me, that's complete bullshit. So, what led me to open one earlier tonight is beyond me. Usually, those are the things that make me close the window and back away from the computer. But this stuck to me. I opened it, and embarassingly enough - completed the questions. Mind you, before answering some of the questions - I second guessed. Instead of filling in "Lollipop" for number eleven I opted for "Brand New." For eight, I decided on "Bye, Bye" instead of "Viva la Vida." That's maybe what scares me the most.
Next to numbers 1 & 2 write down any two numbers you want.
1. 4
2. 211
Next to 3 & 7, write down 2 members of the opposite sex.
3. Anthony
7. Jack
Next to 4, 5, & 6 - write down any 3 people's names.
4. Mom
5. My nephew, Michael
6. My cousin, Isabella
For 8, 9, 10, & 11, write down 4 song titles.
8. Bye, Bye
9. Leavin'
10. Get Silly
11. Brand New
#2 is the number of people that like you.
#3 is the person you love.
#7 is the person you like but your relationship cannot work.
#4 is the person you care most about.
#5 is a person who knows you very well.
#6 is your lucky star.
#8 song title matches with the person in #3.
#9 song title is for the person in #7.
#10 song title tells you most about your mind.
#11 song title tells you how you feel about life.
You don't know me, and we both know that. But from what you do know, tell me that isn't the strangest thing that could ever happen? Everything I've been feeling, the mixed conceptions with boys, my family life, the problems I've been having with addiction, and so on... I feel like it's been answered..? Don't worry though I don't plan on letting this sill bulletin get to my mind. It's not going to stop me from doing anyhting, but it will, if anything confuse me more.
Once again, fuck my life.
Home: United States
About Me: Come in; have a seat. And welcome yourself to a world where I'll tell you what I think, what I know, and what I've done; whether I'm proud of it or not. A world where rules, censorship, and children under 13 don't exist. A place where heartbreak, break-ups, and life itself are reality. A world where gossip, biased opinionated rudeness, and all-in-all seriousness are news-worthy. A world I call recognize as divulgAnce.
posted by Desireé at 10:43 PM
"Stop worrying about what might hold you down,
and pay attention to why you're standing up..."
Anthony and I have decided to end our so-called friendship. It's really not worth trying anymore. I've come to the decision that I need to be finished with him. While the best decision would be to forget his rotten, conceited ass all together, I know that's impossible. He's too much of a part of me to be forgotten.
But it's foolish of me to sit here thinking, "I could have a chance..." because I know that I don't. You have to understand that I'm the kind of girl that will pick a guy she likes out and have him by the end of the night. Not by looks, or by slutty-ness, but simply by personality.
With Anthony, though, it's different. He's head-over-heels in love with Madeline and she's nothing I could ever compete with. With any other guy, I could probably win, but with him... it's different. There is no competition or try your hardest. He knows what he wants, much like I do, and he knows how to get it. I'm happy he's happy, and there's nothing else to it.
Jack, on the other hand, I know I could get if I tried hard enough. I know he likes me, whether or not he'd come out and say it. He's a flirt. He's a player. He's adorably amazing. The only problem is, he's too perfect. Tell me honestly, how stupid does that sound?
He barely ever utters a single profanity. The only thing he drinks is water, and maybe an occasional Coke. He doesn't smoke anything short of dust from his four-wheeler. He's everything I'm not, and maybe everything I need...
There's a party Friday night that I hope to see him at. I want to try to make it work with him. Or at least start talking to him again. It's weird not seeing him and knowing that I probably won't see him again until next summer, assuming we aren't going to the same college, I need to be able to talk with him whenever I want. I miss him.
But, jumping far ahead of myself, I keep wondering what if something did happen? Would it even be possible for me to maintain something with him? Better question yet, is it even possible to begin with? I'm sure he's heard rumors, true or not, about my past - especially that last corrupted month.... would he even want to bother? Who cares if he likes me...
Fuck my life.
Maybe I should stop second-guessing myself for once in my life and let whatever is going to happen simply just happen.
Yeah, easier said than done.
and pay attention to why you're standing up..."
Anthony and I have decided to end our so-called friendship. It's really not worth trying anymore. I've come to the decision that I need to be finished with him. While the best decision would be to forget his rotten, conceited ass all together, I know that's impossible. He's too much of a part of me to be forgotten.
But it's foolish of me to sit here thinking, "I could have a chance..." because I know that I don't. You have to understand that I'm the kind of girl that will pick a guy she likes out and have him by the end of the night. Not by looks, or by slutty-ness, but simply by personality.
With Anthony, though, it's different. He's head-over-heels in love with Madeline and she's nothing I could ever compete with. With any other guy, I could probably win, but with him... it's different. There is no competition or try your hardest. He knows what he wants, much like I do, and he knows how to get it. I'm happy he's happy, and there's nothing else to it.
Jack, on the other hand, I know I could get if I tried hard enough. I know he likes me, whether or not he'd come out and say it. He's a flirt. He's a player. He's adorably amazing. The only problem is, he's too perfect. Tell me honestly, how stupid does that sound?
He barely ever utters a single profanity. The only thing he drinks is water, and maybe an occasional Coke. He doesn't smoke anything short of dust from his four-wheeler. He's everything I'm not, and maybe everything I need...
There's a party Friday night that I hope to see him at. I want to try to make it work with him. Or at least start talking to him again. It's weird not seeing him and knowing that I probably won't see him again until next summer, assuming we aren't going to the same college, I need to be able to talk with him whenever I want. I miss him.
But, jumping far ahead of myself, I keep wondering what if something did happen? Would it even be possible for me to maintain something with him? Better question yet, is it even possible to begin with? I'm sure he's heard rumors, true or not, about my past - especially that last corrupted month.... would he even want to bother? Who cares if he likes me...
Fuck my life.
Maybe I should stop second-guessing myself for once in my life and let whatever is going to happen simply just happen.
Yeah, easier said than done.
Monday, June 9, 2008
"It's not a mistake...
'til someone gets killed."
I really can't say why I did it.
The best way I can explain it... is like having an itch on your nose while baking. Your hands are covered in flour and you know that once your scratch that itch, there will be flour on your nose. So you try to control yourself - try not to scratch it - but the urge, the itch, it's too strong, you know? And you give in, covering your nose with flour.
That's how I've been feeling. I've had this itch to get high. A sudden, repulsive urging itch that was just begging to be scratched. And last night... I gave in.
I went to a before-your-last-exams party and took more prescription pills than anyone should ever even be prescribed. Connor says I took 5 Xanex and 3 Adderall. I'm sure he's right, but the thing is - that was just at the party. I don't even remember being in a car that entire night, until we left the party, so I had to have been completely stoned on the way there.
It wouldn't have been a biggie, except on the way home, I got a ride with Anthony's friend, James. James just so happens to not have his license, and he was packing daddy's brand new Lexus. He was going 75 in our neighborhood and just so happened to slam full force into a tree. I was in the back with Bailey, but Anthony was in the front. He didn't get crazy hurt, but he did sprain his ankle.
Bailey, Anthony, and I booked out of the car. Caught ridin' with a kid who doesn't have his license and who also mistook a tree for who the hell knows what isn't exactly sparkling on your record. So we bailed.
We ended up at Anthony's house, and I woke up the next morning with my only memory being the accident an Anthony running from the car on one leg.
I might've wiped the flour off with a cold towel, but I keep thinking what if Anthony would've gotten really hurt? Or James had hit someone instead of just a tree? I think that's gonna be my last big take, I've gotta call it quits before someone does get hurt, or even killed. You know what they say if you keep pushing your limits... right?
I don't want that to happen.
I can't let that happen...
D
'til someone gets killed."
I really can't say why I did it.
The best way I can explain it... is like having an itch on your nose while baking. Your hands are covered in flour and you know that once your scratch that itch, there will be flour on your nose. So you try to control yourself - try not to scratch it - but the urge, the itch, it's too strong, you know? And you give in, covering your nose with flour.
That's how I've been feeling. I've had this itch to get high. A sudden, repulsive urging itch that was just begging to be scratched. And last night... I gave in.
I went to a before-your-last-exams party and took more prescription pills than anyone should ever even be prescribed. Connor says I took 5 Xanex and 3 Adderall. I'm sure he's right, but the thing is - that was just at the party. I don't even remember being in a car that entire night, until we left the party, so I had to have been completely stoned on the way there.
It wouldn't have been a biggie, except on the way home, I got a ride with Anthony's friend, James. James just so happens to not have his license, and he was packing daddy's brand new Lexus. He was going 75 in our neighborhood and just so happened to slam full force into a tree. I was in the back with Bailey, but Anthony was in the front. He didn't get crazy hurt, but he did sprain his ankle.
Bailey, Anthony, and I booked out of the car. Caught ridin' with a kid who doesn't have his license and who also mistook a tree for who the hell knows what isn't exactly sparkling on your record. So we bailed.
We ended up at Anthony's house, and I woke up the next morning with my only memory being the accident an Anthony running from the car on one leg.
I might've wiped the flour off with a cold towel, but I keep thinking what if Anthony would've gotten really hurt? Or James had hit someone instead of just a tree? I think that's gonna be my last big take, I've gotta call it quits before someone does get hurt, or even killed. You know what they say if you keep pushing your limits... right?
I don't want that to happen.
I can't let that happen...
D
Friday, June 6, 2008
"She's a free spirit...
& sometimes she needs to miss behave."
Well, our last day of high school was yesterday. Formally, anyway. It doesn't seem like it's over. In a few weeks, I'll be getting my stuff together for college (shockingly, I'm going...). It's all so surreal, though. Plus, the things that went on not being school related, or in anyway educational, seem to make it all the more unbelievable.
I had another post that was a continuation of the last post which I wanted to get out ASAP. But none of what I have to say in that blog will compare to what I have to tell you in this post. :)
After school, Bailey, Serena, and I went out to lunch and then finished packing up our shit. On the drive home, I texted Anthony to see if he was busy tonight. Because in case you forgot, we had planned another outrageous informal "you-have-to-whisper-to-stay-in" party. Now, understand Anthony is the kind of person who let's girls get to him emotionally. And lately, he's been oddly hung up on one particular girl. Her names Madeline, if that even matters...
Anyway, apparently Anthony and Madeline got into another fight (something they do strategically often). He was extremely bothered, and at first didn't text me back. So, I continued to pester him, like poking at an open sore. Until, he bled. He went off on me and I ended up telling him off. Probably not the best idea, but at the time, it was the best decision.
"I don't need this now, Des."
"Do you think I give of shit, Anthony? Because I don't. If you could pull your head out of Madeline's ass for just one minutes - I could tell you that I have a temporary solution to your problem..."
"Yah? What would that be?"
"Yeah, 'cause we really want to screw around with someone who'll scream Madeline the whole time. Text me when you're in a better mood."
Not exact, but close enough. Bottom line is, Anthony's distress caused us to have no plans. But, as always, we found a way out of that.
Serena had been sorta-almost-kinda talking to Derek, whom while he has an outstanding body, seems to lack in the sexy-as-hell department. We manipulated things around a little bit, much to Serena's knowledge and ended up sneaking out with Derek and his best friend, Matt.
...We rented a room at a hotel twenty minutes out of our small town and that's when it all started. At first, nothing excited happened. Matt was wasted and Derek was possibly as well. Bailey and I took it upon ourselves to take Matt and give Derek and Serena there privacy.
We walked him into the bathroom and locked the door. When we walked out to check on the prosperity of anything between Derek and Serena, Matt had two humongous hickeys and both Bailey and I had multiple. I won't go into the sexual details, but a lot went on in that bathroom. Though, I will assure you absolutely nothing lesbian took place. Ha ha
After leaving the prosperous bathroom with Matt who had both given and gotten, we were met with Serena and Derek - neither of which had been given anything. I had promised Derek he would get something. Sex, a hand job, even a little awkward groping... anything! And yet, all he had gotten was a few kisses and nothing.
Half drunk ourselves, Bailey and I took Derek under our arms (or legs for that matter) and replaced Matt. Things got crazy, and Matt persisted that we needed to get back to town, before anyone noticed we were gone...
The night ended with Matt and Derek driving away, and us being afraid they would get killed or pulled over by the police. I'm not going to lie, it was definitely a freaky night (in a dirty way, for sure). But I have one major problem...
They're all friends with Spencer, Anthony, and Connor.
& sometimes she needs to miss behave."
Well, our last day of high school was yesterday. Formally, anyway. It doesn't seem like it's over. In a few weeks, I'll be getting my stuff together for college (shockingly, I'm going...). It's all so surreal, though. Plus, the things that went on not being school related, or in anyway educational, seem to make it all the more unbelievable.
I had another post that was a continuation of the last post which I wanted to get out ASAP. But none of what I have to say in that blog will compare to what I have to tell you in this post. :)
After school, Bailey, Serena, and I went out to lunch and then finished packing up our shit. On the drive home, I texted Anthony to see if he was busy tonight. Because in case you forgot, we had planned another outrageous informal "you-have-to-whisper-to-stay-in" party. Now, understand Anthony is the kind of person who let's girls get to him emotionally. And lately, he's been oddly hung up on one particular girl. Her names Madeline, if that even matters...
Anyway, apparently Anthony and Madeline got into another fight (something they do strategically often). He was extremely bothered, and at first didn't text me back. So, I continued to pester him, like poking at an open sore. Until, he bled. He went off on me and I ended up telling him off. Probably not the best idea, but at the time, it was the best decision.
"I don't need this now, Des."
"Do you think I give of shit, Anthony? Because I don't. If you could pull your head out of Madeline's ass for just one minutes - I could tell you that I have a temporary solution to your problem..."
"Yah? What would that be?"
"Yeah, 'cause we really want to screw around with someone who'll scream Madeline the whole time. Text me when you're in a better mood."
Not exact, but close enough. Bottom line is, Anthony's distress caused us to have no plans. But, as always, we found a way out of that.
Serena had been sorta-almost-kinda talking to Derek, whom while he has an outstanding body, seems to lack in the sexy-as-hell department. We manipulated things around a little bit, much to Serena's knowledge and ended up sneaking out with Derek and his best friend, Matt.
...We rented a room at a hotel twenty minutes out of our small town and that's when it all started. At first, nothing excited happened. Matt was wasted and Derek was possibly as well. Bailey and I took it upon ourselves to take Matt and give Derek and Serena there privacy.
We walked him into the bathroom and locked the door. When we walked out to check on the prosperity of anything between Derek and Serena, Matt had two humongous hickeys and both Bailey and I had multiple. I won't go into the sexual details, but a lot went on in that bathroom. Though, I will assure you absolutely nothing lesbian took place. Ha ha
After leaving the prosperous bathroom with Matt who had both given and gotten, we were met with Serena and Derek - neither of which had been given anything. I had promised Derek he would get something. Sex, a hand job, even a little awkward groping... anything! And yet, all he had gotten was a few kisses and nothing.
Half drunk ourselves, Bailey and I took Derek under our arms (or legs for that matter) and replaced Matt. Things got crazy, and Matt persisted that we needed to get back to town, before anyone noticed we were gone...
The night ended with Matt and Derek driving away, and us being afraid they would get killed or pulled over by the police. I'm not going to lie, it was definitely a freaky night (in a dirty way, for sure). But I have one major problem...
They're all friends with Spencer, Anthony, and Connor.
Labels: Anthony, Bailey, Connor, Derek, Madeline, Serena, Spencer